Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Bittersweet Mother's Day

It was my first Mother's Day without my mom. It helped to be near the ocean, and to see this SKY. So blue, not a cloud in it. Skies like this say to me, "All is Well" a hug. I am determined to let myself be pampered the next few days. 

My daughter and I spent the day together. Getting to the beach early, enjoying the quiet time before it started to fill up. Making ourselves go into the freezing cold water and laughing big, scared, belly laughs when the fish would skim over our feet. So many fish!  

We decided that the trip would not be complete with a visit to Mon Delice for subs, and pastries of course. 

And waking up to this on Mother's day.! I love to cook for my family, but it is nice to take a day off too!

And the best card from my daughter. I thought she forgot, and then THIS. Grateful. 

I filled my day doing everything I wanted. I played in the studio, hung in the hammock with a fruity cocktail, surf the web just playing around, and relax with my stack of books! And thought about my mom. 

Until next time, Lovebeams to you!

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

The Fog is Lifting...

I think back to January. It seems so long ago. The beginning of the new year. I remember all of the goals and possibilities ahead. A friend and I had set up a rather aggressive accountability schedule of weekly goals complete with check-ins and Skype calls. I remember I had a full teaching schedule planned, almost every other weekend for the next 4 months. I remember the middle of the month attending the Highland Games with my parents.

Then, in early February my mom went in for surgery. Things took a turn for the worse as sometimes they do, and our family would spend the next couple of months in ICU, hoping and praying that my mom would recover. She didn't and our family would be forever changed.

I'm not going to write a blog post about my mom's death, because I can't.

I want to thank everyone who supported and loved me through this. I needed that Love to hold it together, to grieve, and to get the most out of this experience.

The days and weeks afterwards were neither here nor there. It's hard to explain to anyone who hasn't lost someone. To those that have, they understand. I wanted to just stay in bed, but life doesn't stop because someone passes. Taxes don't wait. Bills don't wait. My feelings would alternate between resentment and understanding. Maybe keeping going, keeping moving even though you didn't feel quite present was the best thing?

I just kept going. Every day waking and just doing what I could.

The scariest part of this whole journey was that my creativity had stopped.

I am so thankful that I was in the midst of an Artist Way session. I felt obligated to continue with this as best I could. We continued to meet on Sunday nights at The Craft Shack and once again each chapter would reveal something that I needed. Like the part where creativity sometimes become blocked in an effort to exercise some control in your life. Well, that was perfectly understandable. I really wished I had some control over this, but I didn't. It still amazes me after all these years with this book, how much it still gives to me. I am grateful.

I dug deep and grasped for threads...pen and paper, pencil drawings, sketches. Just simple tools, simple acts of putting pen to paper for a few minutes a day...caring for myself and for my creativity.

I continued in my efforts at The Craft Shack to complete projects for Camp Wannamakeart, a sleepover art retreat featuring Jennifer Mercede. I am so thankful for this. To have a task, a project, something to move my hands. Moving your hands heals. Right alongside time.

I will write more about the camp in the next post. It was magical and provided the open ground for the shift that I needed. Thankful.

Until next time, Lovebeams to you!

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Words spill out...

Although I have been a part of Poets & Painters for over a year, it has only been recently that poems have begun to spill out of me. This, combined with facilitating my second course of The Artist Way, where risk-taking is encouraged, culminated in me declaring that I wanted to stand up and read my poetry in public. Well, last night at Rabbitfoot Records it happened. It was exhilarating and exciting and it all started with this poem...

All That You Need
by Shari Sherman

The day breaks
I barely have my eyes open before
I am chasing Time by the tail
What does the list say?
I have to be There
But, oh please, please just let me be here
With my cup of coffee, hot against my lips,
I notice it's sweet bitter darkness
I grab for things before they
slip from my mind
Do I have everything I need?
I can't go back.
I am listening, but not to myself
Wrapping the words around me
I notice You are strikingly open
a tiny fracture, enough for a tear to trickle out
if you swallow your breath, it won't get any bigger
Shedding niceties
Extracting embedded habits, identities, and expectations
I notice the beauty in tender, raw moments
beauty, beauty, Beauty!
You are listening, but not to yourself.
Something outside of you is trying to communicate with you
You are strikingly Open
just a tiny fracture
and that is all that you need.

Here's to risk taking, being supported by others on the path, and especially letting your creativity flow freely. 

Until next time, Lovebeams to you!