I was exposed to a nasty comment yesterday that the author of which proudly self-proclaimed it to be a clearly intended smart-ass comment. This was directed at my previous post, specifically the idea of Wishcasting Wednesdays. It was peppered with condescension using words like syrupy. It expressed disbelief in the "wish upon a star" and the "Universe and the 8 people reading your blog will make it all manifest". The author went on to say something about wanting to go to the airport to chant. It was hurtful on a few different levels.
Upon reading the words, my hands started to sweat and the tough girl in me wanted to kick some ass! My first reaction was that I wanted to spew back some nastiness and ask her how wishing with "8 people reading my blog" is any different than everyone praying together over a prayer request made on Sunday.
Only God knows.
After I calmed down a bit, I started to realize that this comment wasn't really what it seemed. (Just as every challenge is never what it appears to be.) The lesson is always to go deeper. (Hopefully we all catch this BEFORE actually punching someone in the face or spewing negativity out into the world!)
I started to realize that the reason this person commented wasn't really about me or my wishing upon stars. I really have no idea why this person felt the need to make a smart-ass comment. That is for her to figure out. For me, it brought up some feelings from the past. In particular, that word "syrupy" touched a nerve. It has the connotation of being too sweet. Too good. Or maybe not good enough.
Throughout my life, I have been teased about being a "goody-two shoes". I remember when I was little, in grade school, people would call me "Miss Shari". Maybe because I always tried to do the "right" thing. Or at least what I felt was right. Maybe it was because I got good grades and sat at the front of the class because my last name started with an "A". Maybe because I was the one who seemed to interject a voice of reason whenever our ways turned towards mischief.
By the time high school came around, I was full bent on trying to prove this idea wrong. I still got greA+ grades but I also got involved in a lot of stuff that I probably shouldn't have. Not to say it wasn't fun, but I look back and I can see clearly where I got derailed. I can see clearly where fun turned into wasting a LOT of valuable time here. I remember feeling out of place a lot. I'm guessing this is the kind of wisdom that only comes with age. Thankfully, also comes the wisdom to appreciate ALL of it, because it all played a part in who I am.
Through a lot of soul searching and with the help of my circle of friends, earlier this year I decided to start freeing that good girl inside me. It is okay to be good. It's okay to want to do the right thing. It's more than okay. It's what the world needs.
Unabashed, shameless, goodness.
The kind where it doesn't matter what religion you are. It's what is in your heart. That is the true measure. You don't need a book to tell you what is right and what is wrong, what is hurtful and what is encouraging.
There is so much of the opposite out there...everywhere we look.
So call me syrupy, call me Goody-Two Shoes! I know my purpose. I'm here to Inspire. I'm here to create Happy Art and Happy Words...and I'm here to LoVe. I'm here to pay attention and figure it out. I know for a fact, I'm not here to make smart-ass comments and put down someone else's beliefs or lifestyle.
This blog is here to record my creative journey...to tell my story. It also helps figure a few things out, as I believe writing has the power to do that. It truly brings JOY to my heart when like-minded souls pass through here and comment with gratitude about something I've written. About how my words mean something to them, to let them know that they are not alone. That encourages me to keep going. I'm writing for myself and I'm writing for them as just one small way to strengthen the connection that we all share. We are not alone. We are all in the same boat.
I think the key to making this blog what I want it to be, is to make sure the ME is always here.
That doesn't mean my light is always shining bright covering the world with syrup and sprinkling it with Skittles. Sometimes I can be downright crabby! Sometimes I have days where my decisions are questionable, my choices are clouded, my direction is not clear.
But I'm getting Braver every day and my heart is good. I'm grateful for those who read my blog, (even if it is only "8" people, they are 8 really, really good ones!) because we share and it makes my heart sparkle. And that feels good. I believe that feeling good is a pretty good indicator of which way to go.
As for the smart-ass commenter, I can only hope that she might discover why she would put this stuff out there. I know that God didn't put anyone here with the purpose to waste a single minute on smart-ass comments. The Universe told me so, right after it tossed out a star for me to wish upon. ;-)
Go out and be kind, please!