First, my camera died and I feel lost without it. I'm having a hard time getting over it. And I am finding it difficult to find a replacement. I guess that's how it goes when you really love something. I am realizing just how dependent I was on my faithful Canon, just how many moments I captured on a daily basis. It feels so weird to not post a pic with this post. We had to use an old Nikon film camera that Leila uses for our Halloween pictures. Needless to say, they are still in the camera....wonder when they will get developed. I am so OLD SHCOOL about so many things, but cameras are NOT one of them. There is such satisfaction of whipping out a digital camera, getting the shot, and being able to check it, right then! I hope a new camera comes into my life soon....
And on a lighter note, snicker, snicker....It's Wishcasting Wednesday over at Jamie Ridler Studios and the question today is "What do you wish to dare?"
I dare to live my big life. I dare to really see what it's like to give it my all. I feel like I have held back in almost all areas of my life for quite a while. I have hidden. I have shyed away from being seen. I have even put on extra weight as a form of this. There are a myriad of reasons behind all of this and I am so introspective that they do not escape me. There are feelings of not being good enough...they won't accept me. There are feelings of being too good...they won't befriend me and I will be ridiculed.
I look back and remember times when I surrounded myself with people who chided me as being "Goody Two Shoes" or "of course, IT was HER, she always does great."(the latter, said snidely and overheard). For some reason, I got it twisted that these were bad things. That it was better to remain at a level not any higher than those around me. That if I rose higher I would lose something. That if I was better, they couldn't stand to be around me. I was too good. I know this stems from a neediness, from a placing value on what others think instead of how I value myself. The truth is I was just being myself way back then, before I was squelched. I wasn't trying to be better, I was just growing and doing at my own pace, before I learned that was wrong.
So, today, on this Wishcasting Wednesday, I dare to bring to the surface something that has been brewing for a good while now....I dare to be good! Really, really good. So good that I am happy with what I see and happy with what I do. I dare to give it my all in my art and in my life. I dare to be seen. I dare to live my BIG life!