Tuesday, May 3, 2016

The Fog is Lifting...

I think back to January. It seems so long ago. The beginning of the new year. I remember all of the goals and possibilities ahead. A friend and I had set up a rather aggressive accountability schedule of weekly goals complete with check-ins and Skype calls. I remember I had a full teaching schedule planned, almost every other weekend for the next 4 months. I remember the middle of the month attending the Highland Games with my parents.

Then, in early February my mom went in for surgery. Things took a turn for the worse as sometimes they do, and our family would spend the next couple of months in ICU, hoping and praying that my mom would recover. She didn't and our family would be forever changed.

I'm not going to write a blog post about my mom's death, because I can't.

I want to thank everyone who supported and loved me through this. I needed that Love to hold it together, to grieve, and to get the most out of this experience.

The days and weeks afterwards were neither here nor there. It's hard to explain to anyone who hasn't lost someone. To those that have, they understand. I wanted to just stay in bed, but life doesn't stop because someone passes. Taxes don't wait. Bills don't wait. My feelings would alternate between resentment and understanding. Maybe keeping going, keeping moving even though you didn't feel quite present was the best thing?

I just kept going. Every day waking and just doing what I could.

The scariest part of this whole journey was that my creativity had stopped.

I am so thankful that I was in the midst of an Artist Way session. I felt obligated to continue with this as best I could. We continued to meet on Sunday nights at The Craft Shack and once again each chapter would reveal something that I needed. Like the part where creativity sometimes become blocked in an effort to exercise some control in your life. Well, that was perfectly understandable. I really wished I had some control over this, but I didn't. It still amazes me after all these years with this book, how much it still gives to me. I am grateful.

I dug deep and grasped for threads...pen and paper, pencil drawings, sketches. Just simple tools, simple acts of putting pen to paper for a few minutes a day...caring for myself and for my creativity.

I continued in my efforts at The Craft Shack to complete projects for Camp Wannamakeart, a sleepover art retreat featuring Jennifer Mercede. I am so thankful for this. To have a task, a project, something to move my hands. Moving your hands heals. Right alongside time.

I will write more about the camp in the next post. It was magical and provided the open ground for the shift that I needed. Thankful.

Until next time, Lovebeams to you!

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